Thursday, 11 October 2012

Prayer for the Nation




Let us pray,
Dear Lord, as we mourn the departed leaders and rejoice at the onset of the dry season, I pray for your guidance and wisdom.
I bring before thee politicians who are known for their wickedness to stop their sinning ways and seek your redemption.
 What I have in mind are not small cheats who falsify mileage claims, but those who routinely gang up foreigners to plunder this land.
There are scandals as tall as Mt. Kenya, the holy shrine on which you dwelt before we cut down the trees, and many more are still being hatched in white-washed board-rooms.
In this regard I pray that, as we approach next year’s General Election, you will give them wisdom to understand that they don’t understand your son’s gift- the sort that helped him multiply loaves, fish and wine.
So when our politicians want to multiply paper money, and distribute it in sacks, may you curse them and unleash on them the curse of devalued currency that will haunt them and their children after them.
There are those who tell lies every day, and if their spouses are to be believed, even lie in their sleep. For such characters, may the deceit lure of sleep deliver them closer to the fireside till their bellies touch the flames.
Lord, there are many things that have gone wrong in this land, but there are equally many things that are going right.
You have revealed unto us, for instance, that it is wrong to fight over fruit. So when politicians brought oranges and bananas, people devoured them and smiled. But there are many others still fighting over water and pasture.
Some do it to provoke others, like in the Tana Delta, but then there are those in genuine thirst of you. For you say in your holy book that you are the fountain of the water of knowledge.
Dear lord, let that knowledge trickle down to us, that we may know you and learn to value fellow human beings, who you created in your own image.
There are those who say we deserve the leadership that we elect. But i also know that many have ascended to power through deceit, by pretending by pretending to deliver the children from the wilderness to the Promised Land.
Many others come and display their distended bellies, but fail to reveal the source of their wellness- if one can call it so- for their bellies are stuffed with public funds.
When the election period comes, Lord, help us separate the wheat from the chaff, and get to see through the aspirants lies.
And when electing new leaders, make them understand that driving those monsters that guzzle oil like the air we breathe will not drive our problems away.
My heart is heavy with grief when I think of the hardships I have seen in our midst, as widows and orphans struggle to make ends meet.
We used to think that once the struggle for freedom ended, no Kenyan would suffer from want. But the multitudes of children in the streets, and those who suffer cruelty in the privacy of their homes, are too many for our comfort.
But you also teach us to remember to count our blessings. We are blessed to have our country, with all its imperfections.
About those people who risk life and limb to protect your children, may you embolden them even more. And give them extra valour to pluck from their midst the oil-sniffing policeman.
We used to think only street boys had an appetite for ngata, but now we know that fully grown, uniformed officers also do. They like a bit of petrol on the nose.
For, we pray this trusting in your holy name.

EMPTY TALK -The Unwritten speech



Ladies and gentlemen, and other people, hata mimi najivunia kuwa mkenya. Poor men, women and children, women and children who are dying from hunger and starvation and a myriad other diseases, I am proud to be a Kenyan because our Government of National Dis-Unity has made very many things possible.
I know you are not proud to be Kenyans. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t either.
Who, tell me, would be proud to be a citizen of a country where there are 40 billionaires and 40, 000, 000 beggars exclusive of numerous unborn and aborted children thrown in? Who would be proud to be and who are handicapped when it comes to running public institutions?
But thanks to you, I am proud to be a Kenyan you have to work to make this a Working Nation.
But just because you work doesn’t mean you can enjoy the fruits of your labour. Such fruits are for the chosen few and yours disappear between 30% taxation and the stratosphere, now that we have to get tax from every nook and cranny, including shanties and roadside vendors. I trust you catch my drift.
But you can always look on the bright side. My government has given you very many freebies. Free education, free tuberculosis and malaria drugs, and free poverty, meaning you are free to be poor without any assistance from my Government, which is dishing out poverty tokens. This is why our GDP (Gross Domestic Poverty) stands at 5%, a figure never before experienced in the 49-year history of this Great Nation.
Other freebies are the anti-retroviral drugs for people living with HIV/AIDS which my vice president once said huenda sambambana umasikini (goes hand in hand with poverty).
As for ARVs, you will have to cover long distances to reach the farthest Government hospitals and clinics to receive them. What is wrong with walking a mere 100 km on an empty stomach? To localize a Chinese saying, the journey of 100 km, to your suffering and painful death, starts with a single step- on an empty stomach. Take that step while the privileged are driven around in convoys of expensive fuel-guzzlers bought with your taxes.
Some wayward doctors talk about ART, as in Anti-Retroviral Therapy, meaning thast you need to eat well besides taking your medicine to prevent opportunistic infections, but that is their problem. My Government has gone past the T to the V, yaani ART to ARV. We are following the alphabet.
As you are aware, my government is trying to weed out corruption and we are getting to the point where corruption is not the weed, but the main crop because of its popularity.
Members of parliament are corrupt, as are civil servants…the whole caboodle. Why should we Waste time fighting the culture that drives our economy? Let it stay for the benefit of those who earn six figure salaries for fighting it.
Hapless Kenyans, it is during my error that a media house was raided by forces that I do not even know. Another was stormed by someone, all of you know, but I am not naming names. Everything was carried out in the interest of State security, as my capable minister told you. Whenever state security is threatened even from across our porous borders, he will raid a media house.
As for those Kenyans from Dukana in Marsabit who cannot walk to Kenyatta National Hospital, we will fry them for free provided they have been maimed by bandits from a neighboring country.
Some of them will die without flying and how they know our benevolence if we do not let them get maimed and killed? You will bear with me because the police are engaged in more important duties arresting cigarette smokers while the armed forces have to prepare for national day parades.
Starving Kenyans, there are numerous gains and we need more time to tell you about them. The biggest gain so far has been an influx of foreign dogs and investors whose countries of origin not even my minister in charge of immigration knows. To show how serious they were, the investors targeted the most gullible Kenyans and threw a party before, during and after an award ceremony in which winners were picked by toddlers and kindergarten children.
But their party was different from the kind of parties my ministers form every hour. Due to the increased democratic space, each one of them is free to form his or her own party and I am free to be a member of all, such so that I do not know which party I belong to. But that is a state secret and ours is a multi-party state. Anyway, never give away state secrets.
With those few remarks, poor Kenyans, you are now free to go and jienjoy. After all, hata mimi najivunia kuwa Mkenya.