Before You Fall in Love with Me~By Caitlyn S.

“Stop. You can’t love me because you’re lonely, or because I am the only one who doesn’t piss you off. I want to piss you off, I want to get on your fucking nerves. I don’t want the responsibility of always being your rock. I will try, but I’m a mess, too. I lie, I sleep too much and I don’t like children under the age of 6, really. I don’t even know if I want kids because I’m selfish, and mothers can’t be selfish once they decide to carry another life.

I’m always looking for the rain to come so I trip over my own feet. I know exactly what the air smells like before a storm.
Before you fall in love with me, I want you to know that I cry a lot because it feels good, and I masturbate at least 4 times a week, and you might fall out of love with me before either of us are ready for it.
I have no experience with this. I’m trying to be brave and smart but its almost impossible to be both at the same time.
You can’t love me like a fire escape. Sometimes I will be the match, or the smoke under the door. I don’t know what I’m doing, all I know is that we all catch fire sometimes, before we even get warm.
Before you fall in love with me, I want you to know that there’s a 50% chance that this won’t work, that one of us will wind up hating the other. I will try to keep your head above water, but sometimes I’ll need help, too.
I can’t be your savior, and I don’t expect you to be mine. Just watch me unfold and I’ll watch you unfold, too. We’ll get drunk and tell each other everything. I know that’s cheating but maybe it’ll be alright. Maybe we won’t wake up embarrassed.

I am going to fall in love with you, too, feet first. Maybe we’ll slow dance off a building together, maybe we’ll have forgotten each other’s names by this time next year. I don’t care, the sky is gray with or without you, so I’m not going to look up anymore, I’m going to look ahead .”
 

Watercolor by Brendan Shea

Necessary Distractions...

 The danger of a single voice begins to stalk me

But, Will I find stillness within distraction

Did I, blindly crush and instead create destruction?

Dare I stay blind when truth is deep and in a single voice, unknown ?

I see you, but inside dark shadows house your heart

I feel you, outside a brave face inside a bewildered soul

I hear you, loud and laughing but whimpering inside

I touch you, burning with fire but burnt out and ashy inside

Dare you stay blind when truth is deep, and perhaps known?

Necessary Distractions in the eye of the storm

Stillness and quiet

Is perhaps what that loud whistle calls

Until you read the writing on the walls of your heart,

And I mine

Perhaps a fluttering butterfly was all I was

On a journey that shouldn't end at your door

Listen to your truth first

And I will follow, away or towards

But perhaps you shouldn't close that first book so fast.

The evolution of the dim

Takes a soul.

It is a joyful thing to be a society bare and slim and slick and open to and ready for speed, creed, need, bleed, seed, feed, corruption.

Smiles and emptiness and void and owners, vassals, slaves, sighs, styes, lies, tries, cries, dies, trips to heaven and hell and back again are the trips to moons and suns and stars and light.

Without benefit of soul.

Corruption of purpose, void of means in the absence of dreams, fueled by spleens, schemes ….

Corruption of purpose, void of means, prisoner of reams of latent needs to never seem …. corrupt ….

Corruption of purpose, void of means, nothing in the middle of daily life …..

Souls and things and depths and flings with staunch and true and worth ….

Takes a soul.

Never to be seen.

Don’t make them any more.

Not bankable.

Too stern.

For fairies and scum.

The dumb …… the honored creed. The rancid bastards …… the true…. the thrill…

Tribal this and tribal that.

Tribal this and tribal that.

Tit for tit.

Tit for tat.

Ream and spat.

Speak and sigh.

Move lips and lie.

Fit words to cause.

Fit cause to war.

Tribal we are.

Tribal we were.

Tribal we shine and shall be to be free.

Take no qualms.

Take no mercy.

Heads on spears are music.

Need to churn.

Need to burn.

Need to tame.

Need to maim.

Need to game.

Keepers of and from the flame.

I am just.

Lame and stained.

I am mean.

Bare my teeth.

Supreme.

Hand to God.

Hand to heavens.

Blood on.

Blood on mouth.

Sharp teeth.

Massacre.

"The Dark Continent"

Africa has been the formative element of my life. Conspicuously this post about the west’s behavior towards “bilad_as _Sudan”… (Land of the black people as the Arab merchants called it) will inevitably bear the mark of subjective influences. Not the least of which is my conviction that throughout human history Africa has been misunderstood and misused by the rest of the world. Simply put (I am usually accused of simplistic views) humanity doesn’t recognize its debts and obligations to a continent they’ve looted for years.

In the psyche of a typical westerner, Africa is “The Dark Continent”. An innocent phrase? Perhaps, but it is also a potent connotation of a persistent western inclination to set Africa and its inhabitants from the rest of humanity. As if they are some sort of alien species. “The Dark Continent” terminology is not just a description of the depths of Africa’s tropical forest; the color of the African skin or the lack of knowledge about the continent. It is implicitly used to label Africa as a place where a cruel form of darkness exist… the cruelty of man towards his fellow man. Contextually Africa is the place where people do terrible things, not because these behaviors are characteristic of all human beings, but Africa is believe to be uniquely barbaric and less “civilized” than the rest of the world.

The fact that people behaved (and continue to) barbarically in Africa is undeniable. However events in other parts of the world have shown that this is not an exclusively African tendency. This brings me to the western idea/understanding of civilization…which is usually confused with exponential growth, use and understanding of technology. But is technological prowess what civilization is or is civilization an exposure or adherence to a culture? Is it a predetermined sequence of human progress as most westerners believed, with white Anglo-Saxons leading the way, the rest of the world following and Africans toiling centuries behind? I will venture to answer NO. Civilization to me is an enlightened self interest that all societies develop to regulate their interactions within a given locality and with other people for the benefit of all parties involved.

But enlightened self interest is a delicate thing; easily eroded. In the event of such an erosion, the human capacity for unspeakable barbarity ala Rwanda, Nazi camps or Stalin’s Siberia rise to the surface. Africa’s horrors like those of Nazi Germany are a chilling example of what people can do to one another when short term exploitation has taken over the work for the common good; when accountability is swept aside to develop hamlets like Kanilai (Gambian president’s home village) at the expense of a nation swirling in poverty.

But is any of these uniquely African? I will have to answer no one more time. Even though subjective passion is what I ascribed to in the beginning of this post, objective readers will agree with me that it has been anything but. Developments, barbaric in nature that happen in Africa occurs elsewhere in the world. I am not an apologist for these African tragedies. I am just an African agonizing over the negative implications of that in famous phrase “the Dark Continent”.

A THOUSAND WORDS-#WeAreOne

Brave soldiers, innocent souls

“Our country is safe. God Bless you all and God Bless Kenya,” The end of the President’s speech sent double chills that caught the horns of my attention so stiff it momentarily paralyzed my thinking. I immediately obligated my country’s freedom by making a prayer. It sounded the most sense and noble thing to do at that moment.

I’m quite an avid fan of the intelligentsia action packed thriller series Nikita. So engrossing it is, you practically lose any dime of sleep in your possession. The likes of the sensationally beautiful Nikita and Alexander Urdinoff perfect such a hair-raising display of bravado. Of gunfights, spying, ambushes, terrorism, international drug syndicates, intelligence secrets, politics, big money, beauty and the beasts…name it. These concoctions form blending additives to the fabric of the thrill that is hard to ignore. The Westgate Mall siege was like a script straight from the action packed thriller. But in ours the alluring beauty was Samantha Lewtwaite.

Samantha Lewtwaite

What we witnessed was only found in such Holywood productions. The AlShabaab bad guys undoubtedly caught us pants down. Peeing and defecating in humiliation we did- we paid the ultimate price of letting the society rot down through the columns of its once firm foundation. It was just blood, sweat and tears.

We were brought the reality we never wished to witness. The reality of kids having their eyes being gauged out and murdered like chicken. The unthinkable pain that stroked the face of the woman who appeared on Daily Nation’s (sad) Monday 23^rd issue. The rescue scene of a mother who played dead with her two beautiful daughters and the gallant soldier who risked the hail of bullets to save the lioness and her cubs. The deadly scene of bodies lying lifeless. God, did it really have to happen?

Our dignity was trampled upon; we lost hope as a people. No writer, me included would give the most succinct words to describe the awry genocide. Of the stark belligerence of heartless monsters who will be surprised that there are no virgins waiting in hell. Stupid. I sat pensively, uneasy on my chair. There was this dark cloud that brought a feeling of calm before a storm. Every heart was like an African tom tom drum- a lull before the storm. No sooner was this feeling that we realized we had to fight fire with fire. The oppressor makes the rules.

When Citizen TV began its 9 o’clock bulletin by playing the three stanzas of our National Prayer I was so touched I literally had to stand in my living room, attentioned and singing along proudly Kenyan!

In the words of Uhuru Kenyatta, who despite losing his nephew and the fiancée, had the humility to say,” I’m deeply moved and very proud to be your president…There’s evidently no limits to your humble sacrifice.” We had a pride within the family as one of our brothers was on the frontline-rushing victims to hospital from ground zero at time zero. I deeply share the CinC’s sentiments. We donated blood, money, prayers and comfort to those injured and their families. The whole world was wowed at how Kenyans came together as a show of solidarity. Donations to mobile money surpassed the Kes. 80,000,000 threshold to rally at Kes. 100,000,000!! This is the best country to live in. Shida ni mob but its ok!

Gallant KDF

The ability for us to put up a fight, led by our presidency, and the ability of us uniting and leaving our differences aside is enough reasons we have a destiny to fight for and protect. Let us all look at us with the magnanimous sense of nationhood. Our unity was in stark display to the envy of foreign powers. We were an inspiration to the turbulent world. We showed the terrorists that when our chances are between slim and none…oh boy, we will go with slim! We should never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God, Corrie Ten Boom once remarked.

God will hear us

No country is rich enough to buy back its past. We cannot turn back the hands of times because its always my belief that the good old days were never that good, believe me. The good new days are today, and better days are coming tomorrow. Our greatest songs are still unsung. There are regrets running here and there. It is an appalling waste of energy, we can’t build on it. It’s only good for wallowing in. Heads must roll wherever irresponsibility in government was wanton but we must pick up the pieces and head on! The enemy will not be hesitant to strike again, especially when we are weakened. The West, too, must stop playing dirty with the crumbling ICC geopolitics. If Kenya becomes a pariah state, the world will be more dangerous because this region is the most conducive place to fertilize terrorism. Enough said.

Noise produces nothing. Often a hen that has laid an egg cackles as though she has laid an asteroid. Most people who sit around waiting for their ship to come in often find it is hardship. Experience is hard teacher friends, because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards. What have we learnt? Is it going to be business as usual? We wont drown by falling in the water; we drown by staying there, remarked Ed Cole. We should live as brothers or perish as fools. Everybody is his brother’s keeper. The ball is in our court. There can NEVER be any redemption without sacrifice; lets take heart of our losses to our soldiers, children, men and women.

Time is a healer and there is God’s faithful promise of guarding us, and perpetually nourishing us with plenty. Oh God of all creation, let peace be found within our borders and in common bond united. If I was a pastor that would have been the sermon for the day. Thank me later. Alluta Continua…La vida loca...C'est la vie!

@Iampapalizmo

Brain Optimization & Mental Endurance

According to WHO, mental health is a state of wellbeing in which the individual realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to his or her community. Evidence from the global health body suggest that half the world’s population are affected by mental illness with an impact on their self-esteem, relationships and ability to function in everyday life.

For people undertaking intensive tasks and duties mental prowess and astuteness is an important prerequisite. However, how much physical power one may have is not a deciding factor one needs for a satisfactory task, say; taking a college exam, making dangerous maneuvers on skateboards or bicycles or an enduring game of poker. The wind beneath that energy, the SI unit, is mental strength. It will determine how far you can push your ability to challenging tasks and scenarios.

The most outstanding remedy to mental health and nutrition is through dietary supplements from the food that we eat. Most foods we consume lack the dietary supplements that enhance our health, including brain health for optimal performance. It is important we underline these additives as found in products like Mental Surge. Such products assist in brain optimization and mental endurances; hence while handling a brain-taxing task you are more confident of success because of an able brain backup.

A very vital supplement is tryptophan. It is an essential amino acid found in bananas, pumpkin seed, peanuts, and sunflower seeds among others. It is especially good in regulating moods and relaxation of the mind. It always makes you feel happier, according to LifeScript.

Flavanols, another supplement is present in human diet fruits, vegetables and wines, and are found in many other plant species especially cocoa. It is useful in brain and cardiovascular health by boosting blood flow to the brain. This is the component, which enhances better performance in tests and mental skills

An essential component found in pumpkin seeds and one, which helps in preventing memory loss and improves concentration, is zinc. This is exactly what students and poker players need in plenty, especially where high concentration is needed.

One of the world’s best super foods, broccoli is a good source of glucosinolates. It is especially good for the brain. It is good to consume some at least twice per week. Broccoli is a member of the cruciferous family of vegetables and contains high levels of healthy compounds called gluconisolates.

Lycopene, the red key ingredient in tomatoes helps to protect against free radicals that affects the brain. Vitamin K, which enhances brainpower and cognitive functions, is also one of its many ingredients in promoting memory and concentration. The red coloration in tomatoes is also effective as an inhibitor of human cancer cell proliferation.

Another important supplement is found in Celery. It is a flavonoid, containing those benefits as well as providing luteolin, which improves brain function relating to the area of the brain that is the center for memory and learning. It is usually used as a flavor.

An impressive source of legumes is the red kidney bean. It is rich in fiber and also optimal for brain health.

Lastly, is good old honey. According to researchers at University of Waikato / New Zealand, it improves memory during aging. It also boosts memory due to its antioxidant property, therefore inhibiting behavior like forgetfulness and memory loss.

As demonstrated above, these natural supplements greatly enhance brainpower and significantly contribute to its endurance and vitality. With more physical exercise to allow better blood circulation and the combined efforts of these natural supplements as found in products like Brain Surge, the question isn’t “Will it work?”, the question is “How can it not?”

Scramble For Africa Reloaded: Lights, Camera, Action.

China's partnership with Africa, including our very own Kenya has been very welcoming and trusting to many powers in the first world. Global powers both old and new, are jostling for influence in Africa affairs. The renewed 'Scramble for Africa', albeit is largely to gain access to Africa's vast natural resources such as gold, diamonds, copper, natural oil and gas amongst a myriad others. Global titans like Tullow Oil, China National Oil Corporation, British Petroleum etc are investing huge amounts of money in the

quest to ensure energy security and satiate the ever increasing home and global demand.

Kenya has not been left out, though viewed as a backwater. According to a recent survey by a Fund For Peace, a Washington based think-thank Kenya is ranked among the world's 20 most unstable countries. You may not believe it but they say that we're the worst performer in the EAC, and Tanzania is in a league of its own at 65th. It means that Tz is in the class of China (66th), and Israel (67th). However skewed, anti-African and racist it appears it should stir our Hornet's nest to swing to more action and realize our rightful place. There are major potential benefits and pitfalls. The benefits are obviously insurmountable, which will emanate through the earnest competition between the West and The East.

Based on differences between the popular myths and realities of China's relationship with Africa, one can reasonably conclude that China offers a challenge to the West in terms of who should be Africa's primary strategic partner during our course of economic maturity. While China's assistance is not without moral conundrums, its interactions have had tremendous positive impacts on the continent's goals of technological development, infrastructure building and building exports. However, working conditions and the impact on the environment are often not a priority for the Chinese in their dealings with Africa, but their transgressions are no worse than any other powers operating in the continent.

The West should, in my view, respond by trying to compete with China by using its influence with African governments to secure deals for its companies and give what economic incentives it can to companies that operate on projects sought by the Chinese. That Chinese companies building Thika Road, were given a bank guarantee by the Bank Of China is no secret.

As a country we must take care of our own interests when dealing with China, the US, or any other state seeking to engage us with economic incentives. We must decide how to maximize the benefits from their dealings to bolster our political and socio-economic health.

The West should no longer use its Big Brother Attitude in influencing its policies. Their undoing in using the IMF as a battering ram, and insisting upon the priority of its development assistance program and the sending of more troops to Africa to offset China's influence will be their undoing. It wouldn't be long before the West realised China has been educating Africa. Western assistance has always prioritized primary schooling, but the Chinese approach in this instance recognized something beyond fundamental competitiveness-albeit in a distant future. It recognizes the psychological foundation a university degree confers in situations of underdevelopment. The graduate is credentialised as having escaped the structural constraints of poverty upon his/her capacity to understand and interrogate the world.

The current MDGs is just a coinage, nothing of a target, just a ceiling. I do not think the West wants to take any part of Africa into a millennium which, as China, can challenge the West. They are always imperialistic and godly, will always be. The processing of Kenya's tea and the value addition, for example, would destabilize processing, sorry packaging plants in Europe which package these products in their different fake names.

The African leaders to benefit from Chinese desire to win hearts and minds must be taken carefully. We need to renegotiate and take a step back. The world powers are now in a stampede for our resources and attention. All negotiations should be neutralised and no one should come holding a big stick, on do this do that. What should be focused on is technology transfer, promotion of export sector, creating capacity for future endeavours, fair trade, removal of non-trade barriers etc. The nitty gritty can come in through institutional frameworks. These should be able to safe guard cheap imports, labour issues, human rights et al. The golden rule is to play these two to our maximum benefit. Africa must follow suit and because we have some balls, must rightly lead the way.

If the uptake of our finished goods is not embraced overseas, there is the safety net of intra African trade. Europe's biggest market for its finished products as well as services is within Eurozone. The same will enhance regional economies and therefore create capacity and platforms for our take over in world manufacture. I foresee foreign conglomerates setting up shop in the back drop of a growing regional economy, cheap labour, power and energy products. It is not an underestimation to foresee us overtaking industrial giants 50 years to come. Right now African economies are the best performing in the world. To add on that many banks are setting shop after a devastating world financial meltdown, which proves the resilience of a cash-driven economy. Members of Trade blocks should fast track common market protocols and a unimonetary policy. This has an untapped market; East Africa has over 150 Million people! We're sitting on untapped potential.

The African Renaissance is sweeping like ghost fire, and from the prospects of the new World Order spear headed by the BRICS, I’ve watched with baited breath. I only hope the future this country is building will sooner make it the BRICKS. Africa holds the winning card and world powers are waking to that reality. We've beaten the bush too long and that time is coming when any time Africa sneezes the world gets a cold. It's no longer time to dream; let's embrace and fly. Lights, Camera, Action!